Helping Children Like Themselves A major goal of parenthood, childcare, and education is to give children the chance to feel they are a “WOW.” Self-worth or self-esteem is what children think of themselves or the way they view themselves. It takes quite a bit of growing up for children to begin to picture themselves as separate persons who are able to do and to think for themselves. The formation of the self-image begins very early. It results largely from relationships with adults close to the children, especially parents. When we cuddle babies, coo at them, and meet their needs, we’re saying to them, “You and your feelings and needs are important to me.” A child must have self-esteem to feel secure and be ready to meet life with courage and vigor. The child who lacks self-esteem will be fearful of new experiences and new challenges. Occasional uncertainty and self-doubt are natural for children — and adults as well. But when children chronically lack self-confidence, every occasion can become stressful. A negative self-image can be devastating to a child’s inner motivation and well-being. Whether a child’s self-image is positive or negative may depend on you. Parents and caregivers supply many things to children, including the image that children have of themselves. We feed our children to nourish their bodies, provide moral and spiritual values to nourish their souls, and offer music and stories to enrich their lives. At the same time, whether we are conscious of it or not, we are imparting to our children feelings which they fit together to build their self-image. We are all vulnerable to the damage that others can do to us, but children are especially vulnerable. At the same time, children are very susceptible to positive steps to build or restore their self-image. Since self-esteem is so important to a child’s present and future happiness and achievement, we need to think about what we can do to make our children feel capable and worthy. Here are a few ways parents and caregivers can help young children feel good about themselves. Give unconditional love. Perhaps the most basic prescription for assuring a child’s feeling of self-worth is a generous dose of love and tenderness. It’s especially important to appreciate children for what they are, not just for what they do. Psychologists call this “unconditional positive regard” — total or nearly total acceptance of the child. Help children to help themselves. Another crucial factor in the development of self-esteem is the way you offer help to your children. A particularly revealing test is how you respond when a child asks, “Will you do it for me?” Above all, don’t rush in and take over. Suggest ways your youngster might solve the problem himself. Provide opportunities for success. Although it’s important to set high standards for children, don’t overestimate their capabilities. Be sensitive to what they can and can’t do. Then provide opportunities and offer activities that allow children to succeed as often as possible. Show appreciation. Remember that little children need to be encouraged, appreciated, listened to, and assured they’re all right. Show true admiration for who they are. Let them know how happy you are they are part of your family. Why not say to a child, just as to an adult, “I enjoy being with you. It’s fun.” Avoid comparisons. In their eagerness to have their children excel and be a credit to them, sometimes parents make the mistake of measuring one child against another. This competitiveness can cause children to feel that they must be something they are not to win parents’ approval. Keep in mind that children in the same family are often very unlike each other. Respect each child for his or her individuality and praise him or her for achievements. Try not to embarrass or humiliate children. Children’s feelings are even more easily wounded than those of grownups. Young minds are stung by what they see as contempt or ridicule, by lack of consideration, by intrusion on their privacy. Even though children lack the words to register a protest, they may brood bitterly over such experiences. Often they don’t speak about their feelings for fear of a still more painful humiliation. Most of us, of course, do not deliberately set out to embarrass our children. When we do commit this offense, it is usually because we are not thinking or because we are preoccupied with our own feelings. The ability to feel comfortable about oneself, to feel worthwhile, is an important step in growing up. Before children can like others, they must first be able to like themselves. Children who are appreciated for who they are, who are not constantly being compared unfavorably with others, who are given ample opportunities to decide and to succeed, and who receive attention generally learn to like themselves. Check Your Vocabulary Directions: Based on the context, make an educated guess at the meanings of the following words highlighted. 1) When we cuddle babies, coo at them, and meet their needs, we’re saying to them, “You and your feelings and needs are important to me.”