Saving the date 1 Every day I anxiously wait for you to get to class. I can’t wait for us to smile at each other and say good morning. When you arrive only seconds before the lecture commences, I’m indifferent to anything but your arrival. Instead of reviewing my lesson, I anticipate your footsteps and listen for your voice. Today is one of your late days, but I don’t mind because after a month of denying the impulse to ask you out, today I’m feeling bold. Today I’m inclined to act. 2 I know dating has changed dramatically in recent years, and for many women, asking men out isn’t daring. But because of my traditional upbringing, the simple notion of asking you out seems abnormal. Growing up, I heard the clear message: Men must take the initiative and make contact. They should call, ask and pay for the date. However, during my years at the university, I’ve learned otherwise. Many of my women friends have put a spark in their social lives by taking the initiative with men. My girlfriends reckon that it’s essential for women to participate more actively in the dating process. “I can’t be idle and wait,” my former roommate once said. “Hard as it is, if I want to date, I have to ask guys out!” 3 More women are taking the initiative and invite men out, and many men say they view this new phenomenon with approval. They are relieved that dating no longer solely depends on their willingness and courage to take the first step. Then why am I so nervous? 4 I tell myself to relax since dating is more casual today. A college date means anything from studying together to simply having leisure time together like watching a film. Most of my peers prefer casual dating because it’s cheaper and comfortable. Students have fewer anxiety attacks when they ask somebody to play tennis than when they plan a formal occasion. 5 As an added bonus, casual dating also encourages people to forge healthy friendships prior to starting romantic relationships. Young people can relax and get to know each other more easily this way. For example, my roommate and her boyfriend were friends for four months before their chemistry clicked. They went out often with a bunch of mutual friends. They alternated paying the dinner check. “He was like any other friend,” my roommate said laughing. Another friend of mine believes casual dating improves people’s social lives, allowing them to circulate in wider social circles. When she wants to let a guy know she is interested, she’ll say, “Hey, let’s go get a yogurt.” or “How about a cup of tea?” 6 Who pays for it? It’s not as easy as it used to be because the traditional rules of courtship are undergoing major changes. Preliminary statistics also affirm this. A plurality of young men say women should chip in and help pay after a few dates. An almost equal percentage of women offer to pay for themselves, even on a first date. But widespread confusion still exists. The new rules have yet to be clarified. 7 My own past dates have taught me some things. Either “going Dutch” or allowing my date to pay can be a definite challenge. One date whipped out his wallet on our first date before I could suggest otherwise. During an after-dinner walk, he proceeded to tell me he was romantically interested in me. After I explained I was more interested in friendship, he seemed unhappy. He explained that since I’d accepted his paying for my dinner, he’d assumed I was interested in romance. He seemed angry with himself for treating me. I regretted allowing him to. 8 Another date frowned when I hastily opened my purse, pulled out my wallet, and offered to go Dutch. I asked politely, “How much do I owe you?” He said, “Uh, uh, you really don’t owe me anything, but if you insist ...” He looked exceedingly embarrassed. To him, my gesture of offering to pay had conveyed a message of rejection. 9 Everyone seems confused as they try to clarify the new rules of dating. Who should ask whom out? Who should pay and when? So, while I do think dressing up and going out on traditional, formal dates is a blast, I thrive on casual dating because it has brought a valuable dimension to my social life. With casual dating, there’s less pressure and more equality. I can give roses as well as receive them! Casual dating is worthwhile because it works. 10 So here I am, waiting. No magic formula guarantees he will say “yes”. I just have to relax, be myself and ask him out in a no-nonsense manner. 11 He finally arrives. Sliding into his desk, he pats my shoulder and asks, “Hi, what’s up?” 12 “Good morning,” I answer cautiously. With a knot in the pit of my stomach, I conquer my fear and ask, “Hey, how about lunch after class on Friday?” 13 “You mean after the midterm?” he says with barely concealed enthusiasm. “I’d love to go to lunch with you.” 14 Thrilled and smiling broadly, I confirm, “Well then, we’ll save the date!” “Yes, we will!” he replies cheerfully. Choose the best answer to each of the following questions. 1. Why was the author feeling bold that day?