Many people see remarriage as a fresh new chance at happiness with a partner whom they should have chosen in the first place. But the statistics reveal that second or later marriages are much more likely to【C1】______divorce. Why is this so? For one thing, remarrying mates often have unrealistic【C2】______. They are in love, and they dont really understand that the【C3】______of a missing partner(due to divorce, desertion or death)doesnt actually【C4】______the family to its first-marriage status.【C5】______, remarriage will present them with a number of unanticipated design issues such as childrens loyalty binds, the【C6】______of parenting tasks and the uniting of disparate family cultures. These are three of the 5 major structural challenges of remarriage outlined by psychologist Patricia Paper in her remarkable architectural model of remarriage. Essentially, the remarried familys unanticipated and difficult job is to【C7】______many of their old assumptions about how a 'real family' — i.e. , a traditional first-marriage family—is supposed to【C8】______and get to work on self-consciously planning, designing and building an entirely new kind of family structure that will【C9】______their own unique requirements. A second, and equally important problem for the new couple lies in the realm of【C10】______communication. This is especially true【C11】______matters which lie very close to the mates hearts, such as the sensitive issue of the childrens behavior. Are the members of the pair【C12】______and caring of each others youngsters, who have【C13】______difficult losses and transitions? Or does a stepparent respond to a childs stark unfriendliness with outrage and attack? For example, it is much better for a stepmom say 'I feel hurt when your daughters come to visit and dont even say Hello to me or make eye【C14】______'than 'Whenever your bratty daughters come over, they walk right past me as if I didnt even exist! They are so rude, and you just【C15】______there!' The first response is an 'I' message and could start a useful discussion about how to handle the problem, while the second 'you' response is blaming and likely to【C16】______an argument. The knottiest of remarriage issues is often that of【C17】______, and here a ton of research provides a clear guideline. The stepparents role should be similar to that of a nanny, an aunt or a baby-sitter who is familiar with the rules of the house(such as, no TV before homework is finished.)She or he monitors and reports on the childs behavior, but ONLY the biological parent should do any kind of punishment(and is also allowed to let rules【C18】______.)And yet, far too often, a step-parent will think they should be the enforcer if they are to get real respect from their step-children. The problems of remarriage are a national issue that has been hiding under the【C19】______for far too long. It is only by bringing the unique challenges out into the open that we can possibly bring the【C20】______rate of these marriages down. 【C1】