The Truth about Lying I've been wanting to write on a subject that intrigues and challenges me: the subject of lying. I've found it very difficult to do. Everyone I've talked to has a quite intense and personal but often rather intolerant point of view about what lies he can and can never tell. I've finally reached the conclusion that I can't present any ultimate conclusions, for too many people would promptly disagree. Instead, I'd like to present a series of moral puzzles, all concerned with lying. I'll tell you what I think about them. Do you agree? Social Lies Most of the people I've talked with say that they find social lying acceptable and necessary. They think it's the civilized way for folks to behave. Without these little white lies, they say, our relationships would be short and nasty. It's arrogant, they say, to insist on being incorruptible and so brave that you cause other people unnecessary embarrassment or pain by compulsively presenting them with your honesty. I basically agree. What about you? Will you say to people, when it simply isn't true, 'I like your new hairdo,' 'you're looking much better,' 'It's so nice to see you,' ' I had a wonderful time'? Will you praise ugly presents and ugly kids? And even though, as I do, you may prefer the polite evasion of 'You really cooked a storm' instead of 'The soup '—which taste like warmed-over coffee—'is wonderful, 'will you, if you must, proclaim it wonderful? There's one man I know who absolutely refuses to tell social lies. 'I can't play that game, 'he says,' Fm simply not made that way. 'And his answer to the argument that saying nice things to someone doesn't cost anything is, 'Yes, it does--it destroys your credibility. 'My friend does not indulge in what he calls 'flattery, false praise and sweet comments'. When others tell lies he will not go along. He says that social lying is lying, that little white lies are still lies. And he feels that telling lies is morally wrong. What about you? Peace-keeping Lies Many people tell peace-keeping lies lies designed to avoid irritation or argument lies designed to shelter the liar from possible blame or pain lies designed to keep trouble at bay without hurting anyone. I tell these lies at times, yet I always feel they're wrong. I understand why we tell them, but still they feel wrong. And whenever I lie so that someone won't disapprove of me or think less of me or yell at me, I feel I'm a bit of a coward, I feel I'm dodging responsibility, I feel guilty. What about you? Do you, when you arc late for a date because you overslept, say you're late because you got caught in traffic jam? Do you, when you didn't remember that it was your father's birthday, say that his present must be delayed in the mail? Finally, do you keep the peace by telling your husband lies on the subject of money? And in general do you find yourself ready, willing and able to lie to him when you make absurd mistakes or lose or break things? Protective Lies Protective lies are lies folks tell—often quite serious lies--because they're convinced that the truth would be too damaging. They lie because they feel there are certain human values that are more important than the wrong of having lied. They lie, not for personal gain, but because they believe it's for the good of the person they're lying to. They lie to those who trust them most of all, on the grounds that breaking this trust is justified. They may lie to their children on money or marital matters. They may lie to dying about the state of their health. I sometimes tell such lies, but I'm aware that it's quite presumptuous to claim I know what's best for others to know. That's called playing God. That's called manipulation and control. And we never can be sure, once we start to ju