Nowadays, a cellphone service is available to everyone, everywhere. Probably thousands of people have already been using it, but I just discovered it, so I'm going to claim it and also name it: Fake Phoning. The technology has been working well for me at the office, but there are infinite applications. Virtually in any public space. Say you work at a big university with lots of talky faculty members buzzing about. Now, say you need to use the restroom. The trip down the hall will take approximately one hour, because a person can't walk into those talky people without getting pulled aside for a question, a bit of gossip, a new read on a certain line of Paradise Lost. So, a cellphone. Any cellphone. Just pick it up. Don't dial. Just hold that phone to your face and start talking. Walk confidently down the hall engaged in fake conversation, making sure to tailor both the topic and content to the person standing before you whom you are trying to evade. For standard colleague avoidance, I suggest fake chatting about fake business: "Yes, I'm glad you called, because we really need to hammer out the details. What's that? Yes, I read Page 12, but if you look at the bottom of 4, I think you can see the problem begins right there." Be animated. Be engaged in your fake phone conversation. Make eye contact with the people passing, nod to them, gesture keen interest in talking to them at a later time, point to your phone, shrug and move on. Shoppers should consider fake phoning anytime they spot a talky neighbor in the produce department pinching ( 用手捏 ) unripe peaches. Without your phone at your face, you'd be in for a 20-minute speech on how terrible the world is. One important caution about fake phoning. The other day I was fake phoning my way past a colleague, and he was actually following me to get my attention. I knew he wanted to ask about a project I had not yet finished. I was trying to buy myself some time, so I continued fake phoning with my doctor. "So I don't need the operation? Oh, doctor, that is the best news." And then: Ding! Ding! Ding! My phone started ringing, right there while it was planted on my face. My colleague looked at me, and I at him, and naturally I gasped. "What is the matter with this thing?" I said, pulling the phone away to look at it, and then putting it back to my ear. "Hello? Are you still there?" Oops.